Women’s Rights: The Only Right That Matters, Abortion

This election, I’m casting my vote for women’s rights. But let’s be clear, I’m not talking about ALL women’s rights. No, no, I’m focusing on the crème de la crème of rights: the sacred, untouchable right to kill your baby. Because let’s face it, what could possibly be more crucial to a woman’s identity than her ability to opt out of motherhood?

I’m not here to fuss over trivial matters like women’s sports, privacy in bathrooms, or the sanctity of locker rooms. If you’re worried about men dominating women in sports or dropping their pants and exposing themselves to your wives and daughter, then you’re probably just a bigot. That’s right, because inclusivity means sometimes you’ve got to sacrifice fairness and privacy for the greater good of… well, I’m not sure, but it sounds progressive.

My concern is solely for those women who, through a series of bad mistakes with the wrong “Chad”, find themselves in need of a quick exit strategy from motherhood. We must protect this “choice” at all costs, even if it means bending our understanding of what constitutes “healthcare”.

Because that’s what abortion is, right? Healthcare. It’s just like getting a flu shot or a check-up, only with more existential life changing weight. The decision to murder someone you accidently created should really just be between a woman and her doctor, in a cozy, legally untouchable bubble. Government? They should just stay out of it. As long as those two people make that decision together in a private office, then the government has no right to protect the victim.

Now, some might say Trump’s stance on abortion is more nuanced, mentioning he won’t push for a federal ban and supports choice in certain scenarios. But let’s ignore that for a second. Why? Because the media has told us to, and no matter what Trump says or does we cannot believe him, because the media never lies. We all know the media is an impartial beacon of truth, never swayed by ratings or political leanings.

So, in this election, I’m voting for women’s rights. But not just any rights—the one right that, apparently, trumps all others. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned, it’s that freedom isn’t free, but abortion should be. This election I’m voting for the only right that matters—the right to murder your offspring.